


Heroes

by julie



Category: 'Heroes' - David Bowie (Song)
Genre: Doomed, Everybody Dies, F/M, Last Chance, Poignant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1980-10-19
Updated: 1980-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24753235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julie/pseuds/julie
Summary: We can be Heroes, for ever and ever,What d'you say?
Kudos: 3





	Heroes

**Author's Note:**

> I've been posting all my old fan fic that I can bear to share... This was written so many decades ago that I really can't remember - in my teens sometime - and shown to only one or two pairs of eyes before. I'm posting it now only in order to see in context how my writing has evolved over time - and how some things, certain themes, have stayed the same!

# Heroes

♦

I ran to find her and she was stalking to and fro before the shuttered windows, pale light flickering on her face. I stopped breathless in the shadows watching her move in the stillness, in the dust, the silence broken by their guns. The queen of all lands in a long-faded dress, the grey light dulling her hair to ashes. The rhythmic sweep of her dress on the floor took me back weeks – it felt like years – to when Gareth burst in on us to tell of a new enemy, and she had paced the floor, listening intently, solemnly. We did not know then, how it would end. 

“Raphael,” I murmured – and caught her scowl as she saw me. I was silent. 

“How long?” 

“A few days. Maybe only hours.” 

She resumed her pacing. I was silent, searching for words. Finally I walked to the shutters, opened one a little to stare at the grey plain, their emplacements, the uncaring sky. The sharp thunder of the guns sounded closer as if, impossibly, they had seen me. 

“Close it. If the rest of us have to be shut into this hole, the queen’s captain should be, too.” 

“Raphael.” Such a soft name. Her hard eyes swept over me.

“A matter of hours before they take us. Leave me.” And she stopped pacing and faced me, the whole room dull except for her bright hard eyes. Falling into her regal pose as she ordered me out. 

I stared back at her. “I don’t wish to die a coward.” 

She snorted. “You’re drunk again.” And I could read in her eyes: _Bloody idealist. Life’s all too much for you_. 

“If only. But the cellars are now dry. Not even a last ration for the men.” 

“What a godforsaken hole this is.” 

“Certainly no place to die.” And as I looked at her, she slumped and her hair hid her face. I took her in my arms, felt her thin shoulders, clasped her to me. She had insisted on riding with us, her army, though she thought our riding wrong. What fools we were, like puppets in their hands. And as I held her I tried to tell her everything that I had been thinking, everything that had been building and burning within me, for I did not want to die a coward. And we had no hope. 

“There is a way, my love, that you could be queen of all lands again, just for one last day,” I finally murmured into her hair. I don’t think she’d even been listening at first. “One way that we could regain our honour, and live forever as Heroes. A final sortie, though we lose our lives – surely we lose less than if we remain locked in here. 

“Raphael, my queen, how can you find it in you to die in this dusty hell-hole?” 

She drew away, and was silent. Finally she said, “We have lost all honour and it cannot be regained. We shall die as we deserve.” 

“How can you think so? There is bravery in us yet. Better to die in the light of the sun and the stars, fighting.” 

“What use? A few hours is our only possession. We two are the lucky ones – we die together. But the city, the land, the children, the wives are all lost to us. They are a hundred miles away and no doubt burning. We lost our honour when we failed to protect them. We shall die as we deserve.” And her eyes sparked with bitterness. 

“Yes, you’re right – we’re nothing,” I cried out – “and there’s nothing left that can help us. But if you will not join me, I’ll go out and die alone. I’ll die a Hero and you will all die like rats.” 

I expected a fiery response, but she looked up at me calmly. Her impending death made her beauty catch in my throat. 

“Then we’ll assemble the others,” she said. “Let them make their choice, to die with us or die here. But not just yet.” And she came towards me and lifted her face for my kiss. 

♦

A few of the men were shot down as we left the shelter, but most reached the wall, crouched and waited for the signal. They had all joined us for this last desperate sortie. They looked grim, ranged behind us. The guns shot over our heads, the noise and smoke and dust, and Raphael’s beautiful face. The queen of all lands leading her last men; a queen, a lover to be proud of in her tattered, blood-stained jacket and borrowed too-large boots. And we kissed as though nothing could fall or ever end, and in our bravery all the shame was on the other side. 

We kissed, and Raphael gave the signal. The men moved forward in a group, and the enemy gave way before our stern faces. And everything was confusion in the heat and the noise, until there were only a few left, though surprisingly far into the enemy’s ranks. And Raphael and I topped a final rise, all lands spread out before our gaze, and we saw the final gun and we knew. Our eyes met over the sharpness slamming into our chests. 

I remember it. It was a life to be proud of.

♦


End file.
